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how to start a fire
first, inspect the wood for wood-ness and dry-ness. lots of both.
second, stack one or two pieces in the fireplace with some newspaper or tiny sticks/kindling underneath.
third, light it on fire!!!!! it might take more than one match. patience is important.
fourth, remember to check to make sure the flue (aka vent at top) is open. don’t want a smokey house!
fifth, relax and enjoy the nice warm fire. or jump around like maniac. your choice.
Remember: fire is dangerous and not for touching.
DONE!
Tweet 47 noteshow to kill mosquitoes (aka how to deal with an invasion)
first, see a mosquito.
second, grab it out of the air like a bad ass. smush it good.
third, notice that the number of mosquitoes is not decreasing despite best efforts.
fourth, find open window/door. close it.
fifth, bring out the big guns to get mosquitoes hiding out of reach. (note: if you like your shirt, use a dishtowel or cloth napkin.)
sixth, leave pile of bodies on windowsill to scare away other mosquitoes.
DONE!
Tweet 8 noteshow to stack wood
first, survey the scene and size up the pile. (now is a good time to find some friends.)
second, implement a professional stacking chain.
the pick-er-up-er should pass to the receiver who passes to the stacker. duh.
third, get stacking.
fourth, so much wood. when stacking chain has stacked all wood within reach of stacking chain, nicely ask the remaining wood in the pile to move closer. note: exit flying path of wood before giving this instruction.
fifth, reassemble stacking chain. finish stacking.
sixth, admire a job well done.
DONE!
Tweet 16 noteshow to deal with baby birds
first, stand quietly and listen for the peeping of baby birds.
second, follow the sound. use your hunting and climbing skills! look up down and all around!
third, if you look hard you should start getting close! remember babybirds use camouflage. those tricksters.
fourth, thankfully they are stupid, so they wont be able to keep up the act for too long.
gottcha!
fifth, send in the cat!
DONE!
Tweet 6 notes
